I heard something today that made me reflect on how I am communicating with my son.
“On average parents spend 2.5 – 6.5 minutes speaking to their kids everyday, and it is usually corrective or punitive (not intimate). It’s not at a deep intimate level because parents shy away from intimacy with their kids. ADHD has gone up. Divorce rates have risen. It’s this lack of intimacy that’s more responsible than toxins in the environment or ingredients in food. Communication is the key”.
- Dr. Peter Sacco
Wow this is crazy, how can we build empowering relationships and connection with our kids if we hardly speak to them in an intimate way?
In the last month my best memory was taking the time to lay on the grass with my son and stare at the clouds. We talked about each other’s day, laughed and giggled. I was surprised how this allowed me to decompress after a stressful day. As I reflect on my childhood I don’t recall having times like this with my father, and I believe as a result it became awkward to have open conversations with my father. It wasn’t until I matured later into my 30’s that I was able to have intimate conversations with my father.
As a bedtime ritual, my wife and I spend 20 – 30 minutes of intimate conversations with our son. Every night we read 2 – 3 books that he has chosen. The way that we start intimate conversations is by asking two questions:
- What was your favorite part of the day?
- What are you grateful for?
These two questions initiate intimate conversations and can range from 2 to 20 minutes.
“Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him”.
- Dr. Henker
Resources
APA Communication Tips For Parents
Communicating with Children: You Make the Difference
My favorite resource Alberta Family Wellness Initiative
